WAKE ME UP WHEN IT’S OVER
March 21 can’t come fast enough for Ima. That’s the day after the primary election. Ima can’t watch television in peace, she can’t go to church in peace or anywhere else without being bombarded with worthless messages and a pack of lies. More than anything the candidates have never been to church as much as they do during the election season. Ima wish the preachers would post a sign on their door that says: “To all politicians go to hell. Youse not wanted here.” But it seems the preachers welcome de rascals and allow them in the pulpit to make promises they know they will not keep. Whatsanever happened to be keeping the altar clear of scalawags and carpetbaggers? One preacher on the Southside has made it known if you don’t bring a big donation don’t stop by his church. Ima is looking for that church that ain’t getting no donations, so she can worship in peace. Halleluyer!!!
-Ima-
FOLKS ARE TALKING ABOUT
How some of the candidates are trying to buy dere way into public office. While others are crying broke and dey is broke until they buy dem TV ads that try to make them look good. They say they wat the Black vote, but they are relying on Black folks being inspired to come to the polls when dey need food on their tables, their rent caught up, lunch money for dere kids and an occasional dress for the lady of the house. Until dey can come up wid some of those things dere are some voters who will choose to go fishing or stay home rather than look for dere polling places. Now that’s a chore within itself, FINDNG YOUR POLLING PLACE. Whosonever drew up these districts and wards and stuff must have had the damnest hangover they ever had in dere life. You need a GPS just to find where you spose to vote at. Maybe the money could be best spent with giving out directions to get to the place to vote!!
-Ima-
WHERE DID SOME OF DEM COME FROM?
I don’t know ‘bout you, but Ima is totally confused about some of dese candidates with funny names like Fritz Kaegi, Abdelnasser Rashid, Ravi Raju. Who de hell? And what about that lady Dala Llama oh I mean Dilara Sayeed and let’s not forget Kwame Raoul. That’s just a few of them and some of them been endorsed by the Tribunal and the Unsunny Times. Well, I can tell you that I ain’t voting for none of dem if they didn’t buy no ad in the Crusader. Just like that Raoul guy you can just keep on driving dere cars on out of my community. And who gives a damn that dey served in Obama’s seat? Frankly, he t’want no improvement.
-Ima-
HOPPING MAD
Ima heared that you don’t bring up Robin Kelly’s name in the same sentence with Carrie Austin dese days. And if you see dem in the same room it may be best to clear out of it. You see Austin done been double crossed or something by some politicians that Carrie done made mad. She’s being challenged by Kelly for the Committeewoman’s job in the 34th Ward. Ima don’t know who is behind these shenanigans but if hot grits are on the menu don’t get in the line of fire.
-Ima-
RUNNING OUT OF FOLKS TO WORK
Number 45 is doing a good job of clearing out the White House. Pretty soon it will only be him there and then no work will be done. Think about it no work would be better than the work that is erasing all benefits for the people other than the richest one percent of America’s robbers. They are leaving by twos and now his son-in-law can’t even get in the White House. Wonder what those family evening meals will be like when Trump is the only one with a clearance for the White House and his clearance is in doubt????? Sounds like a hoot and a holler to Ima.
-Ima-
STILL PLAYING GAMES
I don’t know if you saw the little cute exchange between Duh Mare Emanuel and Duh Gubner Rauner yesterday when the Mare slipped a letter to the Gubner calling for him to sign on to Gun Control. There was twinkling eyes and a look of “go on now little one” as the Mare slipped the letter into the Gubner’s hands. Keep on playing dem games Rahm and Bruce pretty soon if karma plays its cards right they can resume their vacations and parties dey been used to having fore politics got in the way.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!
