MARCH MADNESS
Well its 17 days until you’re paying some bum to sit in public office and pretend to care about what you’re going through. Don’t forget to vote because de rich people running for office ain’t paying for one mo’ vote than they have to—-they ain’t budgeted for no ‘landslide.’
-Ima-
GAINING ON ‘EM
Someone is gainin’ in the governor’s race and it ain’t that chubby, rich guy who is attempting to buy the election, just like Bruce “I Will Eat Your Young” Rauner did some four years ago. The saddest part about it all is that Negro leaders in Chicago have completely sold out with the anticipated hope of getting some of dat “Pritzker Money” like Obama did a decade ago. We hear that five of dem is just hopin’ to get a discount at the Hyatt Hotels. In de meantime, we understand a massive deal has been cut on the Democratic side and people are dividing the goods about now. We understand that De Tiny Emperor is callin’ the shots via a hidden figure who is negotiating what will happen once Pritzker, we mean, a Democrat unseats Rauner in November. School board seats; economic development posts; and IDOT contracts are all on de table.
-Ima-
REDD SAID IT FIRST
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying and they won’t know why.
-Ima-
THE ICE MAN MELTED
After a portly guy in glasses claimed that Jerry Butler’s family was 100 percent behind his bid to be the next commissioner, it looks like de Iceman himself has arisen and has endorsed somebody else. Two people coming about at St. Sabina have been clawing for the commissioner seat against some short light-skinned guy that has every endorsement under his belt except de Easter Bunny. We be hearing that the “Butler Family” were firmly against a “machine pick” but someone forgot to tell their singing relative who somehow found a way to tell de world that he was going with Bill Lowry’s son. We also hear that Lowry’s boy ain’t set to win de race. People is saying that some high-yella gal who is being primed by Ald. Carrie Austin is really gonna be the next official. They is saying “The Year of the Woman” is in full effect and every thang ain’t what it seems. Next!
-Ima-
WVON NO MORE?
Why are operatives running up and down 87th Street sayin’ the Voice of the Negro is about to go out of business. These people are claiming that not only has the historic radio station lost its own building, it also is about to lose that 1690 signal that can be heard even on the West Side for a change. These people are just hatin’ on WVON because they claim they was done wrong with one of those gazillon “brokered shows” that populate the station and pretend to be real content. Another woman with two plaits in her hair, been saying that a local preacher who is angling to get on the airwaves is doing his best to undermine WVON’s power by calling Fuzzy Channel executives and droppin’ salt on the station’s leadership. Another man who likes the smell of cocaine, been running around talkin’ about how the station has been hijacked by Republicans and somebody currently on the air is ‘playing games.’ However, a big eyed woman says she looked into the matter, and told one woman who told somebody who told somebody who told Ima that this ain’t the case. Say its all lies. Only time will tell.
-Ima-
FLIPPIN’ OUT
In Chicago: The cost of livin’ is going up and the chance of livin’ is going down.
-Ima-
BLACK MEN SAY US TOO
Look for a Black man who claims to have been “sexually harassed” at some point in his public job to lead a movement for men who are victimized by people tryin’ to feel on their hot dogs and chicken nuggets. This operative is said to be a part of a conspiracy to undermine Democrats and put their Black “slaves” in place. They say this is part of the entire campaign that is trying to unseat Mike “The Riddler from Batman” Madigan, who for the first time in a long time is getting some really bad press from the Cloudy Times and the Tribunal. Well, this Negro boy with funny eyes, is trying to rehash his claim that he was felt up on by a high profile person who is now supporting JB Pritzker and that he will soon call on the portly future governor to denounce this woman in de public square. Ut oh.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!
