CHAOS, CONFUSION, & COONERY
The fallout from a 10-year-old recorded conversation between JB “Never Met A Sandwich He Didn’t Like” Pritzker and then governor Rod Black-oh-vich continues like waste from a nuclear storm. It seems not only were high-flautin’ Negroes angry that the billionaire Democrat called Secretary of State Jesse White “least offensive” and that State Senate boss Emil Jones, Jr. was somewhat dumb and loud and rude, now it appears white folks done lost they mind too. For example an ugly looking white man with beady looking eyes just lost his job from a Cloudy Times sister publication when he topped The Chatterbox with saying the most outlandish thangs one could say about a public officials.
The article, written by a Blackity-Black Negro Writer, included a cartoon on the front cover that showed a lawn jockey stuck up Pritzker’s fat behind while he spewed dark gunk from his mouth (that resembled doo doo) as the Alphabet Boys listened in. We guess it reminded Coloreds of the time a white cartoonist depicted Harold Washington in women’s lingerie and high heels. That led to Dorothy “The Mad Hatter” Tillman and Bobby “Mumbling” Rush to run up in the Art Institute and violate somebody’s constitutional rights. Well the same sort of Negroes (not those two) got so mad at their beloved Pritzker being depicted as a bloated, racist, who talks ish when no one is listening, that they got a white man fired. In de meantime, a whole crew of Negroes, some of whom secretly and not-so-secretly support Gov. Bruce “I Shut All Yahll Down” Rauner have started a grassroots campaign to ensure nobody who can beat the Republican head-to-head in November will make it through the Primary. This includes a duo who supposed got a whole lot of money from some very wealthy GOPers and will be putting it on the streets real soon.
As for Pritzker, his “apology tour” skipped the Crusader newspaper. As you may recall the billionaire’s campaign disrespected the Black Press and sent an ultimatum to Publisher Dorothy Leavell, as if she was at the end of some chain on the back of some plantation. Now people are taking a closer look at that weird looking guy with the good name but bad teeth. And the polls be showing that Pritzker’s lead is slipping fast.
Some people with ties to the IRS and the federal government and white folks are asking people on the South and West sides (by people we mean Negroes) why a so-called broke boy is driving around in a car that’s worth over $100,000.00 when it appears he ain’t got no real sources of income other than running his mouth and sneaking around and messin’ with folks. They are saying they are tracking his spouse’s as well, to determine how this fellow is able to afford such means, given his day job is a financial joke—and his so-called “part-time work” hasn’t showed up on anyone’s D-2s. Ut Oh.
ON STATE TIME?
Some other people is putting on the street that one person running for public office is mixing their government work with their political work and therefore they can’t wait to run to Fox 32 to show them the proof. Apparently, someone has taken some pictures and recordings of a person at a State of Illinois event where they were supposed to be talking about some crappy government program, but instead they were using the time to slip people their palm cards and share their punch number. One such person was just pretending to be a dumb person in Illinois. They were really a spy for an opponent, and supposedly got on tape the mixed messages—which is a no, no. Let’s see what happens.
Looks like the usual suspects are gearing up to seize power of the 20th Ward right from under the wet nose of Committeeman Kevin Bailey. At a meeting at Pearl’s Place, one interesting person was overheard chewing real loud and laughing about how “stupid” Bailey is to trust him. Seems this guy, whose run for office before is misleading the young Bailey, whom people accuse of being (over) ruled by his more experienced mother. While he’s a nice fellow, some people say, many operatives are talking behind Bailey’s back saying he’s too “green” and he “talks too much” and he is “trusting the wrong people.” One man also said, that Bailey is a darling of de Tiny Emperor and is a “golden child” for the new machine, much lak dat strange-looking Christian Mitchell boy in the 26th Illinois district. Well, Bailey had better tighten up and smarten up—because Shark Week in the ‘Hood be coming.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!