A SNAKE BY ANY OTHER NAME
Them white and Irish Democrats ain’t playin’ with former elected official Ken Dunkin, who after being embarassed before the world, is trying to reclaim his so-called throne. You see, Kenny is trying too hard to gather back his state representative seat that was vacated by Julianna Stratton, who was handpicked by the other white folks to be the next Lt. Gov. Now, everybody know, Stratton is going to be the next Senator and will eventually take out that aging, “trying-to act lak he care” Dick “Never Been to the South Side” Durbin. But that’s another story. You see, Dunkin got caught with his panties down when he ran up under the dress of Bruce “Rancid” Rauner and told his Democratic buddies to kick rocks. The Democratic leader, who has to be a villian in the upcoming Black Panther movie, ordered all of his henchmen and women to take Dunkin out during the last election.
Hence, an unknown pretty girl got an endorsement from de President Barack Obammy and the rest was, well you know. However, Dunkin has been slithering around with his union friends and others, trying to figure out his slithering pathway back onto the public dole. Unfortunately for him, the Dems have found their next Negro—another nobody that nobody sent—and are backing him. So what did they do? Somebody told somebody to put ads on de radio calling Dunkin the biggest sell-out since beef fried rice went on sale at the open kitchen. That ad is so brutal it made Ima’s false teeth fly out her mouth de first time she heard it. Now it’s just funny. We hear Dunkin ain’t happy and that he’s been seen in Walgreens hiding under a giant derby. The short, redbone, is said to be really struggling at understanding what he did. HIS ANSWER: Esther Golar.
OF SPICE AND MEN
What local elected Negro man has ordered his ‘side piece’ to keep her mouth shut during the year of the woman? This married politician who is secretly separated from his second wife (AND KIDS) has been a habitual “line crosser” when it comes to chasin’ skirts all around the political area he serves. We hear that the main side piece ain’t too happy with being told to “play cool” while he takes pictures with his estranged wife and pretends to be more Christian than Christ. The true story floating around is this Negro is a sexist, asshole who thinks women were put on earth to do BJ’s and type his speeches. This West Side philanderer is facing a stiff challenge this time around. He’s supposedly scared that the #METOO is coming his way.
DEATH DO US PART
Speaking of no-good men. Why are the streets talkin’ about another elected Negro official who is already ‘in love’ with some woman and his wife ain’t been with Jesus six months? They say this goofy is so in love, the people are going to have a new first lady soon. What’s sad is that this politician used his wife’s brief illiness as the reason why he couldn’t do his job. Her tragic loss was felt all around the suburbs. Spies say it didn’t take 30 days for this man, who is still good looking and knows how to “dig things out” to find a boo. Unfortunately for him, this dead wife’s brothers have caught wind of it all and are arguing on whether to take a baseball bat or metal club to the back of his knees. Hmmmmmm?
All them white women and their followers marched downtown last weekend—including a bunch of men who just couldn’t let a women’s march be all about them. Well, who was missing? Think about it and get back to us. Was it because these white gals got something coming for some of these ‘officials’ seeking office or are currently serving? Yes.
Dick Gregory once said: “Just being a Negro doesn’t qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!