By Ima Gontellit, Chicago Crusader
CROOKS & BABY BOYS
Well looks like another Chicago alderman may be headed to the slammer, after all. Willie “I Never Shoulda Did It” Cochran is supposedly deciding on whether to cut a deal with the Alphabet Boys by confessing to a whole mess of crimes. Should he do so, De Tiny Emperor on the fifth floor will have the ability to appoint another lakey in his place. While three or four people were running around the 20th Ward really believing the likable former cop was being set up, most people figured Cochran was guilty of something or other.
In de meantime, people are speculating that if he goes on one of them federal vacations, Mayor Emanuel will appoint Kevin “Baby Boy” Bailey to the open seat. Bailey, who is the son of a Republican committeeman and will do whatever he’s told, according to people who think he’s too wet behind the ears, is already the Democratic committeeman. They say this young man has been itching and scratching to be alderman and that with Cochran out of the way, he will waltz into more power.
The bad news for him is that open seat will draw out a whole slew of people who think they know what’s best for Woodlawn. Could that chubby Andre Smith, who somebody supposedly tried to blow up the last time he ran, make a play for the seat? They say Rhymefest has given up on politics and supposedly don’t even live in the ward; and Corey “I Do Whatever They Tell Me To Do” Brooks may even throw the hat that covers his extremely large head into the ring.
Anyway, most people are saying if Bailey is appointed the alderman before the city campaign season begins, this will give him the leg up he needs. They also running around saying that this would also mean that his mother, Maria Bailey, would really be the alderman because she “runs that boy like he’s five years old,” said one man. The next thing this same man said, is “how the hell did the 20th Ward let that boy be their committeeman on the Democratic side while his mama is the committeeman on the Republican side. The Baileys must think they last name be Daley.”
– Ima –
Ooh wee, people are claiming that a big wad of hush money has been floating around in the upcoming mayor’s race. They are saying this money is being paid to keep three people quiet about some sort of “bad business” that could derail a campaign quicker than a blue dress, a cigar and a thirsty intern.
– Ima –
Curious minds are asking how did two leaders of a protest wind up fighting each other instead of with the powers that be who continue to let all these Negroes shoot up the hood. Tito Hardiman and Gregory Livingston seem to be at odds after leading a strange march that shut down Lake Shore Drive for three minutes. People is saying that not only are they mad about who got more TV time, but somebody is running around saying the money that one of them got wasn’t shared with the rest of the “coalition” that pretended to march. One lady who said she personally witnessed the bigger of the two leaders in a liquor store buying some wicked drink, claims that the group got money from some Republicans in order to “disrupt” and get a “movement going” to undermine one politician over the other. That lady said the money was “civic engagement dollars” and that one of the men got the funds and forgot to distribute these monies to the other fake groups that were created to drum up support for the protest. Some of the dollars were supposedly spent renting buses and emptying out a West Side rehab center and homeless shelter; and somebody then said someone spent $27 on some vodka.
In the meantime, a rotund Livingston, who once was an advisor to Willie Wilson, is now threatening to run onto the Kennedy Expressway. Looks like he may be doing it by himself. “I actually hope he runs onto a runway at O’Hare and one of them jet engines suck his ass in there,” said someone who doesn’t like him. “He’s the reason Willie Wilson didn’t win for mayor the last time.”
– Ima –
SNOW IN AUGUST
Is the former head of a state agency on that yeyo? Well, apparently this person loves the smell of cocaine because someone witnessed the person doing a white line in a bathroom. “I think (name withheld) was shocked because (that person) thought they were alone in there. But I was sitting and doing my business and when I came out there (that person) was sniffing coke. I played it off and acted like I didn’t just see that (cuss word that rhymes with it).” Well, nobody knows for sure who’s on what in Chicago, the person named is a well-known connoisseur of marijuana and frequently invites well-heeled bigwigs to their rooftop garden to smoke a few ounces.
– Ima –
If getting publicly fired twice ain’t enough, now poor Omarosa has been called a lowlife dog by her former boss, Donald Trump. After repeatedly telling everyone and anyone how much she loved the man and how non-racist he has been, she is now pulling out tape recordings to supposedly prove otherwise. What we can’t understand is why is a national Black organization talking about giving this woman a platform from which to spew her newfound hatred of all things Trump? This national group may be hoping to get some of that spotlight this woman is getting after admitting that she knew Trump was calling Black folks the n-word and that she lied about it to the world. Someone said she will be signing her book at an event hosted by this national “Black” group and that some of the “proceeds” will be going toward an “education program.” We sho’ hope this be a lie and we don’t turn our TV on one Saturday morning and see this woman.
– Ima –
TO THE EDITORIAL BOARD OF THE CHICAGO CRUSADER:
I was most inspired when I read the recent edition, July 28, 2018 of the Crusader. In it there was a mention of Roland W. Burris, Senator Ret. written by Ima Gontellit. In my memory this was the ever first time any Chicago media outlet has recognized the real accomplishment of Roland Burris. To quote the article states that, “As for mentioning our great, fine senators Obama and Braun, you forgot one-Roland Burris. How come folks always skip over him? He ain’t exactly chopped liver you know…..Wasn’t no Roland wouldn’t have been no Braun or Obama.” Thank you for recognizing Roland as the forerunner of Black statewide officeholders in Illinois. Clearly, when he was elected Illinois Comptroller in 1978, there had never been a Black elected to a statewide office in Illinois. It is a blessing to see that your newspaper continues to maintain qualities of excellence in reporting. Thank you for your continuing commitment to that endeavor. Sincerely, Berlean Miller Burris, PhD.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: AChicagoCruemail@example.com. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!