By Ima Gontellit, Chicago Crusader
SHAKIN’ IN DEY BOOTS
A recent series of political moves by the state Democratic Party has quite a few “old school” Negro politicians confused and scratching their heads. Translation, people close to them are openly wondering if it’s time for their “guy” to “retire from politics.” People is saying that the uprising of young, fresh-faced Colored politicians who were raised politically by their white politicians and their minions has finally brought an end to the “outright hustle.” Trans-lation, it’s now a lot harder to shake down rich white folks who decided it’s their calling to go play high office on the taxpayer dime.
These new breed Negroes are not loyal to anyone other than the Irish, Jewish, Polish, Italian and Slavic leaders–and many of the male ones actually try to walk with their butts sucked in to mimic the style of their massas. Folks wondering if they is talkin’ about that little boy named Christian Mitchell, who was actually raised by Queen Sugar, and was appointed this week as the chair of the Illinois Democratic Party after a white man got caught up in the #MeToo movement. They could be talkin’ about a certain Black woman who is married to a white man, who takes her Aunt Jemima role seriously–though she fashions herself after Michelle Obama.
8TH WARD WATCH
Community folk over in Stroger country are tellin’ anybody who got ears that they have had it with Michelle Harris, who some claim have sold out “the 8th ward in record numbers.” Troublemakers are claiming Rahm’s Girl is beholden to corporations and weal-thy developers who have been slowly creeping in to take over the South Side. At least four people have said they will run–with only two being possible serious challengers. In de meantime, since moves have been made (see the item above), you may see Harris removed from her seat and put into another one that’s less stressful–like the Clerk of the Cook County Circuit Court, which currently is filled. It didn’t matter that Harris couldn’t defeat Dorothy “Red Hatter” Brown outright, some people in her camp been sneakin’ around saying they think Brown’s seat will be open real soon–and it ain’t because she’s going to win the mayor’s race. What ever could they be referring to, pray tell?
MONA LISA WAS A MAN
If you believe any of those people will actually defeat De Tiny Emperor in a run-off election should he be unable to buy his way, we mean, win the 2019 race outright in February. People are saying Lori Lightfoot may be the one to make history–by becoming the first Black, Gay, Short, Smart, First-Time Campaigning Female person to beat a powerful incumbent. People are also saying it would take all of those attributes of previous Chicago mayors to actually beat De Tiny Emperor in head-to-head combat.
Then others are already complaining that her campaign “ain’t Black en-ough” and that means “when she gets in office she will do an Obama and have an all white, mostly gay, not-connected to grassroots administration.” That is the opposite about what they are saying about Dorothy Brown, who is the most qualified of any person whose currently in the race. People laffin’ and saying when she’s elected her staff will be made up of “preachers, choir members, Pakistanis, COGIC affiliates and people who like a lot of grease on their face.” Not sure why though.
ABOUT THAT MARCH
What started out as a noble idea by America’s priest, a protest orchestrated by Michael Pfleger, that shut down parts of the Dan Ryan on Saturday was immediately hijacked by the politicians. And, some folk are saying that’s what it was designed to do–give certain “political leaders” an issue and a “movement” to get behind in order to boost their chances of winning or retaining office.
Evidence was handed up at Daley’s Restaurant when asked “how would you know.” This fella putting too much sugar in his coffee responded, “Classic three-card molly, right there. The priest calls for a massive protest on an issue that no politician can disagree on. He picks the weekend–rather than a weekday–to do it on, thus reducing the chances that the people will actually disrupt big business. Not the Stevenson, not the Eisenhower–the Dan Ryan on a Saturday morning when ain’t hardly nobody out there driving in the first place. Next thang we see, is the mayor and the governor talk-in’ bout each other’s mama and carryin’ on.
Get this–they ain’t even arguing over the issue of gettin’ these damn guns off the street and saving this (n-word) lives. They talkin’ is it right or wrong to protest on a highway. At the actual march you got your usual civil rights folks like Jesse, who got on a hard hat, because he knows that march is a bunch of bull (BLEEP) and he probably didn’t want to get hit in the head with no brick. While everybody else got signs about don’t shoot and put down your weapon, his Operation P.U.S.H. signs are about jobs. But then you got Eddie Scarecrow, the police chief, out there marchin’ right on the front lines–like it was his idea to do any of this. I also saw one person marching while eating them Flamin’ Hots. That’s how I know this whole thang was hijacked. The priest meant well, but he got used. Somebody out there still shootin.”
ENGLEWOOD TURNING INTO LITTLE VILLAGE II
One Colored real estate lady was sitting around the church talkin out loud about how all the people buying houses in Englewood are Mexicans. The lady said according to what she saw on her computer, the once predominately white turned predominantly Black turned predominantly low income neighborhood is slowly turning predominantly Hispanic. Her companion shook her head and said, “Sounds like killin’ frogs. You take one and put it in a pot of cold water and slowly turn on the heat. The dumb frog just sits there thinking …” something is happening around me, but I can’t figure it out” and then it’s too damn late. The real estate lady, who likes to always give presentations at Bible Study, then was heard saying, “Well, frogs is good eatin.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!