The Chatterbox

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By Ima Gontellit, Chicago Crusader 

FULL STEAM AHEAD

The nefarious plot to undermine the general election by once again, tricking de Negro vote, this November is apparently underway with the more than $1.5 million already distributed to “various parties” who will undoubtedly be reported on certain D2s with various codes. One light colored man sold his entire dark soul for a mere $500,000 and is now deep down in the cracks of white folks pockets. Ima told it a while back: Some strange stuff will start happening in a few select neighborhoods—and nearly all of it will appear to be goodwill on behalf of “independent thinking” white folks thru their Negro puppets. Money is set to pour into block clubs and other former patronage armies, in the first three weeks of August. So when you see some broke community group suddenly livin’ high on de hog, you might wanna ask who’s really sponsoring the hotdog you’re about to chomp down on.

-Ima-

SIGN O’ DE TIMES

Mayor Rahm Emanuel

Are a bunch of semi-popular Negro leaders about to be awarded with street signs, parks named in their honor, keys to the city as part of De Tiny Emperor’s efforts to boost Black support ahead of the election in February? Yep. And people close and near to the quid pro quo claim that dis time the mayor’s flunkies didn’t give a perk to anyone without checking before hand—in hopes of avoiding what happened when he tried to name Stony Island after a popular preacher.

-Ima-

REPLACE OR KEEP

A little group of angry citizens have been talkin’ about which Chicago aldermen need to go or stay in place. While nobody intended for notes to be taken, one fool did, and sent the notes via email, which then got sent around and around and around until it wound up where:

Here’s the lists of wards on this for “replace” alderman; each with an “X” next to the name: 3rd, 5th, 8th, 6th, 18th, 20th, 29th and 37th.

Here’s the list of wards that had a question mark by the names of the alderman: 4th, 7th, 17th, 21st, 24th, 29th.

And then someone put check marks by these names, we assume means they be safe: 9th, 16th, 27th, 28th, 34th.

Well, whomever this genius is, had better get started finding anybody in the entire City of Chicago who wants the head of being an alderman at this point and time. Good luck.

-Ima-

CALL THE PO-LEECE

The latest made up rumor going through de community is that there are two sets of “assassins” and “hit men” who have been tasked with “cleaning up some messes.” And, because this is some “next level” (doo doo) the local police are staying out of it. This rumor has been getting steam in some circles, after quite a few people wound up dead—although people are ignoring that most of the ones they named, happened due to some medical condition. That don’t stop the people who smell like concentrated incense from claiming that if you “look at who it is” and “where it is” one can “come to the same conclusion.”  This is as confusing as it is crazy to most of us in the old folks home, to say the least.

-Ima-

HATER ALERT

Wow we hear there’s a not-so-dynamic duo of Black business Negroes who are doing all they can to tank a deal if they don’t get no parts of it. We also hear this team has already “stirred up some mess” impacting investors and employees of the new enterprise by spreading some not so flattery news on their business rivals. In de meantime, one person familiar with the situation has been saying that those two are “acting like those volunteer firemen who start fires just so they can get a rush from putting them out.” In other words, this big mouth is saying that whatever damage the duo seem to be doing, they will turn around and offer themselves as the experts to fix it—-but for a price, a really big one.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: AChicagoCrusader@aol.com. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!

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