By Ima Gontellit, Chicago Crusader
RHYMEFEST LOOK OUT
Is it true that Kanye West is waging an all-out war on Chicago hero Rhymefest after the latter accused the other one of hatin’ on Chicago’s youth? Well, we are now hearing that the feds are looking into whether or not the people running Donda’s House raised money in the name of the mentally ill and politically connected rapper without consent. Somebody said, “it’s at the state level now but because of the amounts raised and because it came across state lines it went to the feds.” Well, ‘Fest ran for 20th Ward alderman and would have won if he hadn’t allegedly beat up his wife. A domestic violence incident came back and bit him in his dark brown hind parts. Since then, he’s run around town using his Grammy and his now Oscar (Glory song) to continue to promote himself and his cause. He’s a good person but miscalculated his enemy—the Kardashians.
Kanye is under the protection of these witches and now they’ve turned their caldron on ‘Fest. Do not be surprised if he is accused of some crime from the non-profit named in West’s mother’s honor. Just like Red Cross, they are saying Donda’s House, put 95 percent of all dollars raised in the pockets of its administrators, and that ain’t no good look for nobody. Gil Garcetti, are you advising on this one, too. This will be ugly.
-Ima-
GOOFY
Ima could not get her vibranium-powered wheelchair fired up this weekend, so we missed the pitiful meeting held by Rev. Al Sampson and Bob Shaw on the West Side. These two ‘leaders’ teamed up with Congressman Danny Davis to host a “black thinking people” meeting to talk politics. Somebody said about 30 people showed up. Which is sad. That means only 10 people who are Black in this town think—the other 20 were probably employees and minions of the hosts.
Anyway, we are hearing talk of a Lu Palmer-type plebiscite in the works. These were community meetings where folks openly debated on political strategies as a whole dat would be in the best interest of de people. Well Lu been gone 14 years now, and guess what—deez niggas have lost their minds. The so-called “plebiscite” they are hosting is really a ploy to support millionaire mayoral candidate Willie Wilson.
Wait, you might be saying—that’s a good thing. But it ain’t. While Mr. Wilson has sung and cholesteroled his way into the hearts of many, some with careful eyes are going around the town accusing him of some stuff that is probably gonna come out in the Cloudy Times any day now. With dat said, all dem that held this “black thinking people” meeting support, Willie Wilson. So any meeting they hold will be a fake-out to get more people to support what we believe is a fake ass campaign for mayor.
Now we rarely like any mayor—including De Tiny Emperor who currently holds the crown. But this upcoming mayor’s race stinks to the high heavens.
With dat said, the whores will have their hands out because they want dat money. No integrity at all. They grinning all up in Wilson’s face hoping his pass thru, we mean, medical supply business, will give them joy in the form of donations, ads, charity, bailouts and hookups. Wilson may be a good guy—we can’t tell. Just because a nigga got money don’t make him magical. He just got money. And, money comes and goes.
But back to de point: Three Negro leaders held a major meeting last weekend and only 10 people showed up. Damn.
-Ima-
DO THE MATH
We just learned from somebody on the internet who makes it his business to write to the Chatterbox that a certain high powered political figure is getting married. They want Ima to attack this man because they don’t like him. Well here it is: Yep, this man’s wife been dead one year. Yep, one year later he’s getting married. You do the math. Unless this was ‘love at first sight” you can pretty much figure out that this person musta been with Jody while his wife was suffering. Men do stuff lak dat. Maybe he had this woman as his side piece all along. If not, maybe De Lawd just helped this person out and sent him somebody who would put up with his bull. Well, we don’t care who this man marries. Ima done buried eight husbands, and if Ima get her way she gonna get this one sitting over there looking at her with glaucoma in his eyes next. He got high blood pressure, so Ima makes sure to feed him bacon, cheese eggs and lots of Red Bull. He won’t keel over. He’s strong. That’ how Alabama boys are.
-Ima-
TROUBLE IN PARADISE
There’s some news so hot, we can’t tell it. Might be a trap. But here’s what we can say: It involves $1.2 million, an audit, politics, lies, brain cancer, sex, and bi-polar stuff like the white wife of a powerful Cook County politician. We also know somebody panicked and called authorities, who weren’t even checking for this group. Now they are. Good luck with that.
-Ima-
VOICE OF DE NEGRO
Is it true that Black Chicago’s radio station got evicted? We don’t know. Everybody lies—except those court documents which are public record. Is it true that an “employee” is partly responsible for helping the Court make the decision? Is it true that a millionaire is about to “purchase” a “big stake” in that station in hopes of saving its legacy? Is it true that somebody’s house in Las Vegas is ….well…let’s just stop with the questions.
-Ima-
SCANDAL
A pastor is trying to convince his minister of music to NOT undergo a Caitlin Jenner change saying it would put the “house of worship” in turmoil and expose their secret downlow relationship. How? Well, the pastor has been doing sermons lately on “adultury and lust and sin” and people in de church been wondering why dey pastor is obsessed with this topic, Well the Deacon Board knows their leader “struggles with gay passions” but because he is married to a first lady who was actually born with a vagina, they have been “working on him” for some time. Well, now the music minister apparently is fed up, so a friend of a friend of a friend tells us. And, so now he/she/they are about to switch genders so they can openly be with the man they love—DE SENIOR PASTOR. Ima really wich these church folk would stop all thos foolishness. You ruing people’s lives. And, for what?
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!
