By Ima Gontellit, Chicago Crusader
HA, HA, HA!
Ima be wishing all yawl nosey people a Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa and a gossipy new year! Remember to renew your subscriptions to the Crusader newspapers and be sure to tune in to what the Chatterbox has to say in the coming days. Because…. we got the goods.
-Ima-
HEY GUBNOR
The chaos in two gubernatorial campaigns recently came to a head—but for different reasons. One campaign has no clue; and the other has so much money part of the staff has come arrogant and tone-deaf as to what is really happening in Illinois. Here’s the weird part—-the Irish boys are laughin’ and drinking a lot of beer and claiming that “no Jew” will lead their state. In the meantime, the Dark Folk, are waiting for their monetary handout before they say who they will support. In de last time, the other candidate is so strange and weird, that people are just hustlin’ him at this point.
-Ima-
TAKE A SQUAT
We is wondering what will happen to a well-known radio station that is reportedly dodging eviction court. De white folks is chasin’ the Black folks all around dat building, from what we hear. No judge will hear the case, because they understand the ramifications of kicking to the curb a historical and influential tenant. At issue is after somebody defaulted on a losing my a$$ agreement, they not only lost their current home but also the former. Urban Partnership Bank, which is run by some white people, quickly sold the building for a quarter of a million dollars to the first person who showed up with their debit card. Now, we understand the owners are trying their best to evict their first-floor tenant who refuses to leave until they find another space to do their mess. Unfortunately, because they have two buffoons live on air who attack any and everybody who could help, the owner is left in the cold.
-Ima-
SEXY, SEXY, SEXY
Three well known Negro politicians are holdin’ they breath in the wake of this so-called #metoo movement of white women who have finally realized they are being sexually abused. One elected official is so scared that he’s been planning his exit for the last few weeks. Another is waiting for a shoe to drop; and the third is said to be preparing his legal defense. At issue, is at least one of them only hires light skin women with big chests. The other is said to always talk about a woman’s legs; and the third likes to brag about how long his johnson is when he thinks about Pat Quinn. Will the #meetoo movement hit Illinois soon—-yes. Just wait until after January when election season kicks into full bloom.
-Ima-
THE SNITCH
There are two people still running around who seem to always escape federal inquiry even though er’body around them always winds up in the papers. One of them is on the West Side. The other is on the South Side. Noneya aks de question how be it that these two Negroes never wind up under investigation. Everybody these people come in contact with is under federal scrutiny. The other is so raggedy and ugly, the Alphabet Boys probably don’t want him in their jail. Yet, he is supposedly wearing a wire and doing his best to ‘trick’ people into sniching’ on themselves. The West Side fella has come under ethical violations time and time again—-yet he never winds up in handcuffs. Everyone else around him has been outed by the Feds as having some legal troubles. The question is—-how long will these two goobers be free to roam around and entrap people?
-Ima-
THAT’S MY BABY
Word be on the street that a certain politician is just doing his parental duty by pushing their seed off on the public for an open seat. Nobody is taking this former “crack head” for real—-but because of his parents they are pretending to give a damn. The saddest part of it all is that one parent reportedly called all around Washington, Springfield and Negroville to “gain support” for their child and was “shut down.” Because this parent is hated, reviled and sometimes respected, people couldn’t bear to tell them “no.” But now that the Junior is running round in a giant suit with half-shined shoes, people are confused as to what’s really going on. Word on the street is “Stop that Junior (N-Word) at all costs.”
-Ima-
RATED “E” FOR EVERYONE
Somebody is out here being real loose. We hear their va-jay-jay is rated “e” for everyone. In the meantime they are on the ballot for office and hoping that their “ties” to a white man will help them win the race. We know the power of coochie—-but will this “free will P” get what she wants? In the meantime, one man who claims he got some itches from her claims he is waiting to “bust it all out” –though that means he has to tell the world he needs a few shots to clear it all up. The good news is, the person with the loose caboose has a really good weave.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: [email protected]. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!
