The Chatterbox

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STEP LOVE

Rumors are swirling around about a popular preacher who got “excommunicated” meaning “kicked out” of his church and leadership position for having relations with his stepsister. This married man of the cloth was said to be carrying on with the steamy love affair for quite some time and right up under his daddy’s nose. Folks were so mad about it that they made this speaker on God’s behalf even remove himself from all civic engagements where he goes to hang out with De Tiny Emperor. We wonder if DUH Mayor will put him on any of his campaign literature now? In de meantime, we hear church elders are trying to pray that spirit of step-incest off the man in hopes that he and the sister can lift their heads up high. No word on whether or not the man’s wife will run downtown and file some papers.

-Ima-

BAKER’S DOZEN

Roland Burris

We hear a Negro leader is running around encouraging everyone he can to jump in the 2019 mayor’s race but not because he don’t like Rahm Emanuel. We hear this sucka is actually trying to stack the already overcrowded field with as many fake candidates as humanly possible. We hear this man even called Sen. Roland Burris, trying to get that old man to throw his hat in the ring. While Burris would be de most qualified person on de ticket, if he did, people say he’s tired of the games, and since he’s pushing 80 they better go play ‘round with somebody else. What’s interesting about this “leader” is that he’s hoping nobody looks into the city contracts he has or questions why his jacked up company keeps getting de bids. By the time these minions of the mayor get done, it might be 20 people on the ballot next year.

-Ima-

THIRD PARTY

J.B. Pritzker

People who didn’t get paid by J.B. “Never Saw A Meal He Didn’t Like” Pritzker during the primary are running around with their mouths poked out. We hear since they don’t like “either candidate” for governor, a bunch of them are getting some folk downstate ready to jump on the ballot in November as an “independent Black” candidate for governor. A person was heard saying, “Well since none of them ones from Chicago is worth much, they figured they’d look downstate and pick a new rising star.” But what are they going to call this new, third party? “Not An Ice Cube’s Chance in Hell Party?” Or maybe, “We’re Not Democrats. We’re Not Republicans. We Just Mad Party.”

-Ima

THE PIED PISSER

R. Kelly

We hear some white folk and angry Black women are teaming up to put a case on Chicago singer Robert Kelly. The women are mad that they’ve been kicked out of his much alleged “sex cult” and the whites are saying “We got Bill Cosby, so R. Kelly is next.” There are two problems here: Everybody on the South Side knows those young girl’s mothers are the ones who volunteer up their child to the singer. Some get handbags, some get cash. The other problems is his “victims” are all Black. No one cares ’bout no Black females on the South Side and Atlanta, GA. So the case probably won’t get much steam, unless one of these gals turns out to be biracial (meaning she looks white) or the singer taps the behind of a white youth.

-Ima-

SPEAKING OF COSBY

You wonder why some of Bill’s biggest Chicago supporters have been dog dirt quiet about the conviction of “America’s Dad?” It’s because nearly all of them got cases themselves. The Cosby Coalition, some of who depended on the entertainer for financial support of their various causes, are said to be “working behind the scenes” on “strategy” to get the new felon out of prison. But we know white America needs to see that perp walk. Now let’s see how much of his cash they can steal in the civil suits that’s being plotted.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact but rather as matter of opinion. None of the items therein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author in writing. For submissions please forward to: AChicagoCrusader@aol.com. Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading!

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