By Vernon A. Williams
The Resident of the United States, Agent Orange, 45, the Donald, the Man Who Would Be King, the Obama troll, the Woman Grabber, the White House staff backstabber, the Central Park Five Executioner, the Nazi apologist, the five-time draft dodger, the Man of a Thousand Lies has one question for Black Americans.
And no, it’s not that warm and fuzzy 2016 embrace: “What do you have to lose?” Not this time. All he wants to know is what does he have to do to get your vote in November? He would really appreciate if “HIS” African Americans could do him “a solid” and assure him a second regime as the stable genius leader of the free world.
It’s extremely important because that would give him time to calculate how to complete his overall life objective of transforming our republic into an autocratic, authoritarian monolith – opening wide doors for his coronation as president for life or at least clearly enabling an unending family line of succession.
Of course we now this certain surge that has him vying for Black voters is a combination of the knowledge that his ratings are dipping below sea level as he and his minions manage a global pandemic like the Three Stooges (for you baby boomers) or the timeless doofus duo Dumb and Dumber (for Generation X folk). 45 is losing and he knows it.
You know things are bad in the White House when someone mentions a need to woo African American voters to this ante-bellum administration. The outcry reeks of desperation combined with signs of early onset Alzheimer’s that may actually have wiped away memories of his miserable track record of mistreating people of color.
The whole notion is as ridiculous as Space Force, inject Clorox, and daily doses of hyperffemmmmm but since I love a challenge, I began to ponder what it would take for the incumbent to miraculously garner the 15 percent of the U.S. population that identifies themselves as descendants from any one of the nations he describe as “shithole countries.”
After thoughtful consideration, I came up with a list of considerations that – if each was fulfilled to the letter – would assure Agent Orange the support of Black Americans. These are the assignments and pledges Trump would need to fulfill demands between tomorrow and October 31, 2020 – if he wants assurances of winning the Black vote.
Here is all you have to do Donald:
- Dump Mike Pence as your running mate and replace him with a Black woman chosen by the Congressional Black Caucus, NAACP and Urban League.
- Sign an Executive Order immediately declaring reparations ranging from $500,000 to $1.5 million each for every African American 18 years of age or older.
- Restore every Obama Era rule, law, guideline and executive order that you wiped away when you became president.
- Usher through Congress new legislation which allows the one-time removal of U.S. Supreme Court Justices and fire both of your two appointees.
- Replace them with nominations of one REAL African American and one other magistrate of color – one male and one female.
- Immediately forgive all college debts of African Americans and institute a tuition-free program for collegians attending in-state universities.
- Completely overhaul the nation’s public school system with a budget that mirrors the $34 billion set aside for military spending. Fire Betty DeVos immediately.
- Free all men, women and children being detained in U.S. cages simply as a result of a will to migrate and deal with each circumstance on an individual basis.
- Spearhead legislation to make all Confederate flags and representations of that treasonous error a federal offense punishable by mandatory imprisonment.
- End privatization of the nation’s penal system after developing a plan for rehabilitation and not recidivism for profit. Commute minor drug offenses and review every Black inmate’s sentence of the past 25 years for additional considerations.
- Lead an FBI, Homeland Security, CIA and DEA crackdown ending all alt-right, white nationalist, Nazi, paramilitary and KKK-related organizations.
- Fire all your relatives and most faithful sycophants no later than New Year’s Eve and sign an executive order banning all future nepotism in the White House.
- Reverse all of your ‘good ole boy’ cronyism pardons since taking office (except those brought to your attention by Kim Kardashian).
- Sign a binding agreement to resign from the presidency within 48 hours of the 2020 inauguration (at least you can have bragging rights of being re-elected).
- Agree in writing to turn yourself in to the authorities within a week after your resignation with a ‘no contest’ plea to all of the criminal charges committed during your presidency (agreeing to turn snitch on all your partners in crime).
While I don’t even know all the Black folks in Chicago, Gary and Indianapolis, I think that I can speak for the entire nation of African American voters in saying if these reasonable demands proposed are adhered to precisely, the November election will belong to 45!
Now if we can only get Ben, Kanye or Kim to ask.
CIRCLE CITY CONNECTION by Vernon A. Williams is a series of essays on myriad topics that include social issues, human interest, entertainment and profiles of difference makers who are forging change in a constantly evolving society. Williams is a 40-year veteran journalist based in Indianapolis, IN – commonly referred to as The Circle City. Send comments or questions to: email@example.com.