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Saturday, November 27, 2021

Editor’s Note: This column is published as political satire, street gossip and humor, and therefore should not be considered as fact. None of the items herein are collected by the news gathering staff of the Crusader Newspaper Group. Items forwarded to The Chatterbox are kept confidential unless otherwise requested by the author, in writing.

For submissions please forward to: [email protected] Original photography and artwork are permitted. Thank you for reading! For more Chatterbox pickup The Chicago Crusader!

CHATTERBOX

THE FINAL STRAW?

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Power players are openly whispering that the water crisis in the south suburbs may be the “scandal” they need to finally get rid of the county board president? Some operatives have been plotting and planning to bring “fresh voices” to the county board and they think Preckwinkle needs to step down because “she is going to be tough to vote out.” The observer says they finally have a chance now that “the county has ignored the water crisis in several suburbs on the South and West Sides.” The man told a snitch, “Yeah, it ain’t her fault because it’s been messed up for decades. But she’s had time to fix it and ain’t done it. We want someone from the progressive caucus with some energy to take her spot. She’s old and there’s no energy coming out of there. She can barely keep Lightfoot from causing mischief. We need someone like Old Man Stroger but under the age of 50 in that seat. I understand there’s a Hispanic woman that the Mexicans are positioning to run, but I don’t see that going no where. Cook County is still a Black county. We are looking at some south suburban characters who we think can carry this thing. Fixing the water pipes is going to be key to the movement to oust her (Preckwinkle).” She got the suburbanites hopping mad when she suggested they go to a school gym to take a shower. Well!!! The person sharing this is an employee of...

HELP YE

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Are we just going to sit here and pretend we don’t see that them Kardashian witches are slowly killing the man formerly known as Kanye West? That white masks and the crazy, jacked-up haircut that NO BLACK MAN ON EARTH EVER would put on his head NOWHERE IN THE MODERN UNIVERSE was the final straw for some of his fans. “I read a book about how they do mental health treatments in the military and they got that Negro in some sort of 5150 hold. He comes out with blond hair. Then he comes out with a white man’s face. Then he cuts up his head like hat—all the while divorcing his wife, releasing the Donda record, and selling off all of his real estate. He ain’t selling (cussword). They are liquidating his assets.” Another person who claimed they “stopped listening to him years ago,” offered this, “Well look at what they did to Britney Spears. They put a 5150 on her, doped her with lithium and take her off of it when they need her to go to work. She talks like a baby now and she seems incoherent. Remember when she cut herself bald saying “they are in my head.” Maybe Kanye is doing the same with the haircut. It’s all weird but them white folks got their hands on him. He’s like the people we lost in the Atlantic. He’s gone and what we gone do for him? Sad.” Well, who knows with Hollyweird. One thing we...

RIDDLE: DIVIDE THEN CONQUER

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Riddle me this. Kinfolk be wondering how many times a fool gots to bump his head. Cook County remains a super-N word Democratic voting block in these connected states in America. That’s because of segregation and de fact that Colored folks still got Colored sections on the map. Even though thangs be changing ever so slowly, in Chicago if you call out a zip code people will know straight off if you a Black, a White, a Mexican, a Puerto Rican, a Polish, an Irish, an Italian, an African, or a Chinese; and if you is Black then they know you is a Cook County Democrat. So from time to time, these pockets of voting blocks must be diluted in order to achieve a certain result. White folks do not leave anything to chance when it comes to Negroes---because the last time they did it we was walkin’ out them chains. So white boys got stop-gap measures in place (especially in politics) and it usually involves the complete loyalty and compliance on a few well-placed Blacks. Those well-placed Negroes are then slated for offices where they fake- compete for the same seat with the real goal of dividing the Black vote hard enough that the real, and preferred establishment candidate wins the race. You see, in Illinois, it's still about the numbers. The state never graduated into straight hijacking the votes like they do in other places. Chicago and Cook County preferred the old school method that is similar to...

NEW WINESKINS

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There’s a new multi-level marketing scheme going around da community—and it involves a preachers’ wife, some public employees and at least one “sorority member” who is going around “recruiting new millionaires” to join their pyramid. We gotta admit this one appears to be worse than the 5Linx con that once involved a state official who allegedly and on purpose recruited people through her “faith community” and using her “political influence” to get folks spending money they wouldn’t make back. No one, including the official, was charged with any crime and it ain’t necessarily a pyramid if you “sell some products” or “people spend the money to get service of some kind.” A lady who got dressed up to go to what she now calls a ‘brainwashing session,” said the scheme starts by showcasing how a person at the top of the food chain “started from the bottom and now they are here.” We don’t know what that means, but we assume that like the 5 Linx peddlers, salespeople have to recruit other salespeople to sell an array of stuff people don’t need so that people at the top of the pyramid can get paid. This new scheme also involves sending people a “Cash App fee of $50” to get people started in the scheme. Go figure. -Ima-
chatterbox

IDA B. DECLARE

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People are wondering if the great great relatives of famed Negro publisher Ida B. Wells has forgotten parts of her history. At a recent statute unveiling of the civil rights icon, barely a word was mentioned about the fact that she created two Black newspapers and was married to a newspaper publisher on the city’s South Side. Instead, Wells’ relatives seem fixed on her work in “women’s suffrage” and don’t want to bring up how their great, great, great was almost lynched for calling out the lynching of Negroes back in the day. We also hearing they are suing anybody who is using her famous name. With white “intellectual property” lawyers running around and raking up the new Black Lives Matter rewards, we hear families of famous Afro-Americans have signed on and are now putting famous names on lock. Most cite the move of the King family in Atlanta and the Shabazz family in New York who stopped people from profiting off the names and likeness of Rev. King and Rev. Malcolm X. Any day now we expect a long-lost DuSable relative will pop up and start profiting from all of the attention to the founder of Chicago. Hands down, Ida B. Wells was a reporter, publisher, activist and ass kicker. She also didn’t seem to take too kindly to Black classism and elitism that was taking over by the time she died. That’s why in 2021 at the unveiling of her statute, true Wells fans were miffed to see a...
chatterbox

NEGRO REMOVAL PLAN

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Some people with time on their hands said the “Negro Removal Plan” is in full effect. Persons are upset about all of the violence as well as all of them strange-looking, outlandish TV charlatans that are poppin’ up all over the place demanding accountability. A man with a kufi on thinks the gun violence is “part of a plan to white-up the City of Chicago.” This fellow with ties to gangs also called street organizations claims, “They are dropping crate loads of weapons and ammunition off in the alleys and stuff. They want us to kill each other so they can take these cities back. How come all this is going on, even though (n-words) are getting everything they want in these streets? They want us to self-destruct. It’s part of a bigger plan. I see white folks jogging up and down King Drive. I see them walking their dogs in Garfield Park. They tired of living in those tornado alleys with bad water. Most of these shootings are domestic. These people know each other. How do unemployed, broke (racial slur) get the money to buy guns and bullets? You tellin’ me they out here sucking D for AK-47s? Then how they can afford this war? It’s because people finding boxes of guns in strange places. The police ain’t gone do nothing but keep it contained in the ghetto. That (s-word) that happened on the Fourth was just kids being kids. I’m talking about these high-powered rifles that are out...
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